Avoid swine flu / pig flu

Avoid swine flu
wash hands before kiss
or blowjob

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Jungle Penis

This British explorer is in the dark jungle, going where no Western man has gone before. Accompanying him is his trusted guide, interpreter, cook, and troubleshooter in one. One day early in the morning, they arrive at a lake and find a handsome dark young man engaged in "playful activities" with ten beautiful, dark, young women, all in the nude. The young man had the biggest, strongest penis the Britisher had ever seen, or even imagined. He was simply awed. He asked his guide who this man was.

"He is the prince of the tribe that lives on the other side of the lake, Sir," came the reply. "This is his morning ritual."

"Ask him," the awed Brit said to his companion, "how did his penis get to be this size?"

The guide goes to the lake and talks to the man, who seems to get very agitated by the conversation.

"Well, what did he say?" asked our hero to his assistant on his return.

"He said, 'There's nothing wrong with my penis. Doesn't the white man's shrink in cold water?'"

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John was talking to his girlfriend, Rebecca, and he said, "Be honest, now, baby. How am I as a lover?"

To which she replied, "Honey, I would definitely say that you're warm."

"Really?" he said excitedly.

"Yes, in fact I would say that you're the dictionary definition of the word 'warm'."

John was pleased until he went home and, just for fun, checked his dictionary and found, "WARM: Not so hot."

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Surprise Birthday Party

I once worked for a small start-up with about 25 employees. After a month I noticed they looked out for each other and made the company a great to work at. One day during lunch break I was talking to a small group of my co-workers. I remarked there must be a very low turnover rate because of the friendly work environment. They nodded their heads in agreement and said only one employee has left in the past three years. I asked why and one of them sheepishly recounted the reason.

Half of the company decided to throw their popular young female co-worker a surprise birthday party. They entered her home with a spare key and hid in the basement waiting for her to come home from work. One of them had previously dog-sat for her while the woman was away on vacation so she had no difficulty keeping the woman's German Shepherd quiet while they waited.

The young woman was heard to arrive home and go into the shower. Her friends waited patiently for her to turn off the water. Finally they heard her come out of the shower, and she went to the basement door calling her dog, "Willy, Willy. Come here, Willy. Momma's got a treat for you."

The dog rushed up the stairs, and the co-workers sneaked up quietly, then burst into the kitchen shouting "Surprise!"

The surprise was on them. The young woman was stark naked and had smeared peanut butter all over her body. Willy was eagerly licking it off.

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